


An Exercise in Restraint

by kidgold04



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Gen, Girl Penis, Soulmates-ish, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-09-17 04:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kidgold04/pseuds/kidgold04
Summary: After Lena discloses her feelings for Kara to Supergirl, the heroine accidentally disappears for five years and returns to a world she doesn't recognize.





	1. It seems like only yesterday

It takes less than twenty seconds for Supergirl to land on the familiar balcony of L-Corp. She's nervous--terrified, to be honest--, yet she squares her broad shoulders beneath the blue titanium-poly fibers of her super suit, and meets the eyes of the woman who had summoned her.

Lena's breath stills upon seeing National City's own superhero standing a few feet from her, even after years of being in each other's orbits. She sets down the crystal tumbler filled with her best scotch onto the black French style table. She'd purchased the patio furniture for the specific purpose of Kara stopping by to have lunch.

That and because Kara loved the sun.

Lena stands, her lips moving into an unsure smile. "Thank you for coming," she says with perhaps too much professionalism. She gestures to the chair across from her. "Please have a seat. I'd offer you a drink, but super metabolism would lay waste to a decent scotch."

Supergirl nods, allowing her eyes to take in Lena's languid movements under the slight effects of alcohol, then she gazes upon Lena's form. The dress her friend wore was perfectly normal; business casual and most likely more expensive than Kara's rent. The only truly extraordinary thing about the navy blue number was the way in which it clung to Lena's curves. To Kara, Lena's curves were a work of art to be appreciated and-

Kara shakes head in an attempt to dispel the erotic imagery that's plagued her thoughts for the past week. It doesn't work, thus she shifts her red cape over her lap to hide away the appendage that had appeared out of nowhere a few days ago. While Kal had assured her it was perfectly normal, Kara still hadn't adjusted to its presence.

Once they're both sitting, Supergirl meets Lena's worrying green eyes. "No need to thank me, Miss Luthor. Besides, it's nice to visit you without the pretense of a dire emergency," she jokes to lighten the mood, and her heart flutters at the small chuckle it elicits from Lena.

"Are you saying that the continuous attempts upon my life are _tedious_ additions to your heroic duties, Supergirl?" Lena asks in mock offense.

"I wouldn't say that. Believe it or not, I have far more exhausting duties. You'd be surprised at how many cats actually get stuck in trees, or how many parents beg me to make their kids do their homework," Supergirl admits with a smirk. "Or to get off the internet."

She'd desperately missed the casual conversation with Lena under the guise of her superhero persona. Being Kara Danvers around Lena felt pure--innocent, even, but being Supergirl allotted a certain bravado that could only stem from being able to touch the sun.

Kara watches as Lena's smile slowly dims. The brunette brings the tumbler to her lips and drains half the contents. "Well, given how things have been a bit strained between us since the synthetic Kryptonite incident...I'm just glad I can safely call upon you again."

Supergirl's head tilts in silent reflection of their past tensions. It all seemed to start the day she found out Lena was dating James, and further escalated upon Sam's--no, Reign's--quest for world domination. After the dust settled surrounding Reign's defeat, things got better between the Super and Luthor, but still nowhere near the mutual trust they once shared as allies.

"Which brings me to why I asked you to come," Lena says, interrupting Supergirl's inner thoughts. "It's about Kara."

Supergirl straightens. "What about Kara?"

Lena's stares down at her hands, fingers tangled together in her lap as she struggles to find the words. "As you may know, last week was Kara's twenty-eighth birthday. Alex threw her a surprise party. She even invited me." Lena tightens her fists and takes a deep breath. "It was at Kara's birthday party that I had a revelation. I realized..."

Supergirl's eyes widen in terror. Lena _knows_. Lena knows Supergirl and her best friend are one and same. Her internal freak out sends her spiraling as she contemplates the anger and resentment Lena will no doubt harbor against her.

She wants to laugh at the irony.  She'd obtained an NDA from the DEO just yesterday for Lena to sign at their next movie night. She was finally going to tell her best friend everything, but for the billionth time in Kara's life, fate had other plans.

So, Kara waits. She waits for Lena to ask the one question she can't deny. She waits for the deserved anger. She waits for the accusations of distrust. She waits, waits, waits-

Then Lena whispers, and it's so low, she barely says anything at all. "...I realized I'm in love with her."

Supergirl's mouth drops open a few seconds, her lips faintly moving as she stares at Lena.

Lena's in love with her?

Kara _loves_ Lena. Of course she does. They're best friends. And best friends love each other. (She also loves Lena curves, which she admits isn't exactly friend-like behavior.) But _in love_ with Lena? The perplexed crusader didn't have that answer.

At the sound of Lena's heartbeat increasing at her confession, and her own stunned silence, Supergirl clears her throat. "I uh...t-that's um..."

"Oh, God," Lena groans into her hands. "I knew this was a bad idea-"

"No!" Supergirl responds, reaching across the table to touch Lena's arm. Lena stares down at the hand with expressive eyes. "No, I'm glad you told me. I just didn't see this coming. I mean I didn't know you were a lesbian-"

"And why would you?" Lena demands.

"I mean I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of-"

Lena rears back at the accidental affront. "You're damn right there's nothing to be ashamed of. I simply think the public has enough archives on my personal life."

Kara's face drops. She recalls Alex coming out to her and berates herself. Had she learned nothing? She raise her hands in placating fashion. "As someone also under public scrutiny, I understand the need for a private life. And I've had it pretty easy compared to what you've endured because of your family name. I apologize for my poor word choice, Miss Luthor."

Lena's heated gaze softens and Kara thinks she can breath a little easier. "You're forgiven. I guess I'm a bit more on edge about this than I realized."

"Do you think Kara feels the same way?" Supergirl queries, her eyes tracing the subtle movements in Lena's face.

Lena scoffs as she stands and walks to the railing. "I don't know," she shrugs, then she turns back to Supergirl with a defeated smile. "Do you think she does?"

The lump in Kara's throat somehow gets bigger and she stands to come face to face with her best friend. After all the confusing feelings and dreams began concerning Lena, was being in love with her best friend improbable? She herself was an extraterrestrial being whom traveled through deep space in a pod and now fights beings who threaten her blue planet. She'd traveled to multiple dimensions as well as back and forth in time. She'd even met an evil Nazi version of herself. And since all of those wonderful, delightfully odd things had actually occurred, Kara wonders if being in love with Lena was that impossible.

It isn't.

Kara smiles then, warm and reassuring, as a flood gate of emotions rushes her. She did love Lena. And at the beaming smile appearing on Supergirl's face, Lena visibly relaxes.

She's going to tell Lena her most guarded secret. She's going to admit to having feelings her. She's going to tell Lena she wants more than friendship. Then, she's going to ask Lena on a date.

"Lena, I-"

_"Supergirl, help!"_ A victim screams from a burning building on the north side of the city.

Lena smirks at the hero's furrowed brow. "Duty calls?"

Supergirl responds with an equally sympathetic smile. "Is it okay if I stop by afterwards? There's something I really need to tell you."

Lena nods, her eyes beaming with something akin to admiration. "I'll be waiting."

Supergirl disappears into the sky and Lena waits for her hero to return.

 

OO

 

Less than a minute later, Supergirl carefully places the final rescuee on the sidewalk across from the raging inferno, leaving the elderly lady on the ground with the paramedics. She gives the emergency workers an appreciative nod before zipping back into the air and using her freeze breath to stifle the remaining flames.

Cheers erupt from beneath her booted feet and she hovers about the smoke filled building, waving and smiling at the adoring crowd. With the possibility of building something new with Lena coupled with saving lives, Kara's considers today a true win. Perhaps even better than free pot-sticker day at her favorite Chinese restaurant.

She takes off again towards L-Corp, her sights set on finishing the long overdue conversation with her best friend--or was it her future girlfriend? That thought alone makes Kara absolutely giddy.

On a whim, she takes a small detour, landing in front of the upscale pizzeria she frequented with Lena. She orders the garden green gluten-free pizza, also known as Lena's favorite and her own worst culinary nightmare, along with three large sausage and pepperonis. The owner dismisses Kara's money as all merchants did when she dawned her super suit.

A perk she didn't take advantage of, but still indulged every once in a while.

And it's to Kara's great dismay that a portal appears in her flight path on her way back to L-Corp. The bubbling whoosh from the inter-dimensional field puts her on high alert and she stops short. Awaiting for the newest threat for National City to come through, her eyes glow red in preparation for a fight.

But no intruder comes, only Sara Lance.

The shorter blonde floats closer wearing a silver suit, some future technology no doubt, and smirks at Supergirl's startled expression.

"White Canary?" Kara asks disbelieving. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry to cop your whole flying schtick, but we have a big problem back on Earth 71. One of the end of the world varieties. We don't have a lot of time and we could really use your help," Sara casually explains, then glances back at the portal behind her. "Coming?"

Supergirl sighs, her eyes moving from the pizzas to the distant dim glow emanating from the lone office at L-Corp. "You really couldn't have chosen a worse time, you know." She shakes her head, dejected. "But superheros don't get to say _maybe later_." She gestures to the portal behind Sara. "Lead the way."

"You and your platitudes," Sara says wryly. "Follow me and definitely bring those pies."

They disappear through the waning rip in space-time hovering thousands of feet above solid ground.

\--

The next day, Kara reappears in her apartment, the exhaustion of the drawn out battle tugging at her bones. Apparently a super-villain that resembled a giant mechanical locust could totally exist and literally possessed the ability to shatter dimensions with their mating calls.

Yes, she truly needed to sleep.

Foregoing the lights, Kara yawns as she slips into pajamas. Upon settling under her duvet and closing her eyes, she reminds herself to text Lena in the morning to ask her out to dinner. Surrendering to sleep with chaste thoughts of Lena, a tiny small graces the hero's lips.

And were Kara less weary, maybe she would've noticed the duvet of a different color covering her body.

 

OO

 

Kara wakes up late, her now charged phone displaying she has twenty minutes to get to work. She shoots Lena an apologetic text, then frowns when she receives a _failed to deliver message_ notification and a no service symbol in the menu bar. With little time to dwell on her cellular predicament--or the noticeable changes to her apartment decorum--she heads for the shower. She figures Alex used her key to get in and got inspired to change things around, _again_. Her old sister had a habit of rearranging her own home when she was stressed or needed to feel in control.

Kara chuckles at the memory of Alex's sudden interest in fengshui right around the time she met Maggie.

Once dressed, she forgoes breakfast and opts to pick up a few bagel sandwiches at Noonan's. It seemed the small cafe had also been bit by the redecorating bug as Kara took in the new tables, art, and even fresh wall paint. She's impressed at the changes given she'd just had coffee with Lena there two days ago. Halfway through her third sandwich, she picks of the sound of a bank robbery in progress and takes to the skies as Supergirl.

Patrol cars surround the looming bank leaving the criminals with little options. Inside, the leader who calls himself Magnus aims the high powered rifle at the terrified group of tellers sitting on the ground by the front entrance, ensuring snipers would not attempt a shot that would end in civilian casualties.

"Whattaya wanna do?" One of the robbers inquires, picking the dirt from under his nails with a hunting knife.

Magnus bristles. "We have our orders. We wait for our extraction. I don't like repeating myself," he grits out. He pats the folded documents tucked away safely against his chest. "Somebody paid a lot of money for this piece of paper, and we aint' messing it up for-"

Glass shatters and effectively ends his lackluster bad guy speech. All seven robbers aim their guns at the shards lying on the ground.

"Up here, fellas," Supergirl taunts from above their heads.

In a blur of red and blue, she disarms and dispatches all seven criminals, leaving only Magnus gaping up at her from his flattened position. 

He stares at her in disbelief. "Y-you're-you're...." Magnus stutters.

"Supergirl," she offers with a firm nod, as Magnus simultaneously says, " _Alive?_ "

Kara tilts her head at the peculiar response and pulls Magnus to his feet. "I think you might have a concussion, but unfortunately you also have a date with the criminal justice system." Magnus vaguely nods, his eyes still glued to Kara's face.

And so were all of the hostages for that matter.

Moving outside the doors, Kara notices the cacophony of media outlets, NCPD shouting orders, and concerned murmurs of thecrowd altogether dies down to quiet notes of astonishment. This was hardly the toughest fight she's had, yet people stared at her as if she'd just reversed the planet's orbit.

She drags Magnus over to an uniformed officer for detainment. "His compatriots are all subdued. Thought Magnus here would have the most to say so I kept him conscious. No hostages appeared to be harmed."

The young cop fumbles with his handcuffs, too preoccupied with gaping at the superhero to properly secure the perplexed criminal. "I...you...thank you." Other officers enter the bank on their bosses order, but not without glances over to Supergirl.

A roar erupts around her then. People cheer her name louder than they've ever cheered before. News anchors and action bloggers are shouting questions from behind the yellow tape, but a familiar voice rises above it all. _"Supergirl?"_

Kara turns to find the director of the DEO and smiles. "Hey J'onn. When did the DEO start helping out with bank robberies?" She grows more and more uncomfortable by his heavy gaze. If she didn't know any better, she'd think he considered her a threat. "J'onn?"

"I'm not here for the robbery, Supergirl. I'm here for you," he admits carefully. "You need to come with me."

"Why?" She asks with no malice towards the Martian. "J'onn, what's going on?"

J'onn approaches her, his gaze softening at Kara's worry. "You've been missing for six years," he says under his breath.


	2. Bad Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond to any comments. I appreciate all the kudos and comments. Please keep them coming. The holidays were annoying, but Happy New Years to you all!!!
> 
> Also, this hasn't been beta'd. I apologize for any mistakes.

Supergirl lands on the solid marble tiling of the DEO with J'onn arriving shortly after. She's met with mostly silence, too many new faces, and a sinking feeling in her gut. She didn't know what she was going to tell Lena or Alex.

Speaking of Alex, Kara doesn't see her at the control desk, and her heart races. What if something happened while she was away? A hand on her shoulder shakes her from spiraling thoughts and she turns to find J'onn's sympathetic gaze on her.

"Six years?" She murmurs, allowing the confusion to weigh upon her words.

"Five years, seven months, and twenty-one days to be exact," J'onn answers. He gestures his head towards the high-level conference room. "Let's talk in private." To Kara's reticent expression, he adds, "Alex is on the way."

Kara nods, then follows him through the labyrinth of gray halls to where a second familiar face greets her. Wynn jumps up, his eyes round with disbelief and moving at near super speed--or at the very least, I just found out my best friend is alive speed--to pull Kara into a hug.

"Kara! Oh, my God! It's really you. I mean of course it's you!" He steps back and Kara takes in the subtle changes of his appearance. He'd grown a beard and in a way, it reminds her of Mon-El reappearing. Both men seemed far too youthful at heart to be taken seriously with facial hair. "We thought you..." He shakes his head and instead pulls her into another hug.

"It's good to see you, too, Wynn," Kara says sincerely, giving him an unsure smile. "But it feels as if..." She looks to J'onn who simply nods.

"Both Mr. Schott and Director Arias-Danvers have been made privy to your lost time."

 _Arias-Danvers?_ Kara releases a strained chuckle. "Um... okay. That's uh... Yep. Okay. J'onn, you said Alex was on the way, but shouldn't she already be here? I mean she still heads the DEO, right? Was she away on a mission?"

"Oh!" Wynn exclaims and Kara eyes him expectantly. "So, uh, yes. Alex is still doing her whole badass head of the DEO thing, but-"

"But I had to fill the role while she took some time off," J'onn offers, cutting Wynn off with a stern look.

"D-Did she get hurt? Alex doesn't just take time off," Kara states slightly panicked. Her heart races with the worst case scenarios and those thoughts drown out the sound of sliding doors behind her.

"Kara?" Alex whispers.

Kara spins around, her eyes finding Alex's face before dropping lower and discovering the reason for Alex's time off. A very swollen belly.

"Oh, Alex," she whispers reverently. She takes a hesitant step closer and Alex wraps her arms around Kara's neck, each sister ensuring the baby bump isn't pressed. "I-I'm so sorry. I didn't... I didn't know." Kara cries then, the break neck speed of her life's missing moments finally hitting her.

She can barely pull herself away from Alex's shoulder, but she discerns her older sister is crying her own tears of joy. It feels like minutes before the brunette finally steps away, and Kara takes in the glow of her skin and the crinkles of exhaustion by her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Alex tries, still grasping Kara's hand. "I'm a little emotional these days."

Kara smirks and rubs the tears from her cheeks. "Sure, blame the tears on the baby."

"Fine," Alex relents. "I missed you, sis. So, so much." She leans forward and kisses Kara's forehead.

"Had I known, I would've never gone... gone..." Kara's eyebrows furrow and Alex exchanges a glance with J'onn.

The very pregnant woman pulls Kara towards the conference chairs needing to take a load off her aching feet and Kara takes the seat beside her. "Kara, do you remember where you were?"

"Yes, I mean... _N_ _o_? I remember picking up pizza. I was on the way to see Lena, and then someone... Okay, this is weird. I think I fought a giant insect..." Kara rubs her head as Wynn, Alex, and J'onn share a confused look. She can't quite grasp the faint memories at the edges of her mind. "I remembered everything last night, I think, and now it feels like I'm trying to recall a dream."

Wynn produces a tablet, seemingly out of nowhere, and projects mathematical computations for them all to study on a hologram display. "Welp, that's another piece to this insane puzzle." He types madly until the projection shifts into a timeline. "You disappeared from our timeline around here. And then, nothing. Your signature completely vanished."

Kara studies the dot on the projection denoting her disappearance and Alex squeezes her hand. "We searched for you non-stop, but no one could tell us anything. Superman even went to the fortress for answers, and still nothing." She shakes her head. "At first, we figured Barry or Oliver pulled you into another timeline for one of their freaky alternate universe trips and they hadn't heard from you either. We tried reaching out to Sara's crew, but they were off the radar long before you disappeared."

"From what you're describing, I'm thinking wherever you were, its temporal disturbance is mending the rift in your mind as we speak," Wynn adds still typing on the tablet.

"Meaning?" Kara asks.

"Meaning the longer you're back in your own timeline, the more you'll forget of your time away," J'onn exhales. "Kara, this is certainly a lot to take in. I believe it would be best for you to spend some time with your family and friends. Give yourself a chance to... adjust, if you will. At least until we figure out what the hell is going on and how to fix it. Just know that we're all here for you."

Kara nods, her eyes still glued to the timeline. "Okay," she agrees. "Thanks, J'onn."

 

OO

 

She receives an onslaught of information once she's dressed as Kara Danvers in the passenger seat of Alex's SUV, but the silence had become too deafening for either sister to handle.

Kara learns that due to Supergirl's intervention at the bank, the whole world knew she was back. She's relieved, yet a bit melancholy, to hear about Sam and J'onn becoming the new superheros of National City. She watches the way Alex beams as she mentions her marriage to Sam two years ago. Ruby, now a sophomore at Cal-Tech, was looking forward to being an older sister.

She learns Lois and Clark had two daughters and the youngest was named after Kara's mother, Alura. Kara stares at the photos of them on Alex's phone with awe. She learns James and Lucy had moved to Washington D.C. and both worked at the Pentagon. They married three years ago and had a two-year-old daughter, Sarah. And in the end, Alex spoke proudly of Eliza's new clinic, which served aliens and humans alike thanks to an anonymous donor. Kara wears a broad smile, albeit not her usual sunshine smile, and some of the tension actually leaves her shoulders at the positive update on the people she loves.

Well, except for one. Alex makes no mention of Lena, and for some reason Kara finds herself too afraid to ask about her best friend. Her stomach twists at the thought of...

They arrive at Alex's abode located in a suburb five miles outside the city. There's even a porch swing that reminds Kara of their home in Midvale sans the beach front.

Inside, she finds touches of her sister's old apartment sprinkled around the inviting space. Small comforts.

Alex gestures towards the den. "I'll order food. Like all the food. One of the perks of being an expectant mother of a Kryptonian, you get to nurse a Kryptonian appetite for nine months," Alex announces as she heads to the kitchen. "Just relax and I'll make some tea."

Taking the offer to heart, Kara wanders into the warm area. It resembles the home she'd always envisioned for Alex, and soon it would be filled with the laughter and cries of a newborn.

And she was going to be an aunt.

Her eyes lock onto a picture on the mantle across the room. The frame holds a stunning photo of Alex and Sam, both in white knee-length wedding gowns. Ruby stands on Sam's right, and to Alex's left is Lena--and all of them look happy and stunning.

Well, almost happy. Lena's smile seems forced beneath her airbrushed makeup, and to Kara it makes her weak in the knees because of course she has a memory index of all Lena's smiles.

Kara finally tears her eyes away from the portrait and slides onto the couch across the room. Though she isn't cold, she pulls the familiar blanket around herself.

When Alex eventually reappears, she carries two cups of tea and sits close enough to lean against her sister's shoulder. It's obvious she'd missed Kara's strength and warmth after all this time.

"I ordered like two hundred bucks worth of Chinese food." To Kara's hoarse chuckle, Alex leans away and turns to face her. "We didn't-we didn't know if we'd ever see you again, but I never lost faith. I just had this feeling you would turn up. That-that somehow you would find your way back. You always do, Kar. Somehow... I just knew."

Kara nods, unable to swallow the lump in her throat. "Is that why you kept my apartment?"

Alex shakes her head. "That, uh, actually wasn't my doing. Someone bought it and decided not to change anything."

It didn't take Kara long to decipher who was her landlord. "Lena bought my apartment?"

"No, Lena bought your building." Alex chuckles dryly. "First, Catco. Then, your building. She even..." She trails off, shaking her head to herself with a sigh.

"What?" Kara says moving to sit up straight. "Why... Why haven't you mentioned Lena until now? She's my best friend Alex and... Is she okay?" She hadn't noticed when she started shaking. Her hands fold across her chest as if protecting herself from some unknown blow.

"She's okay, Kara," Alex admits after what felt like years of silence. "But it took a really, really long time. When you went mission, I was more angry about not being able to find you, so I threw myself into my work. I chased leads about your disappearance for days at a time. But for Lena... for Lena it was worse. She quit working altogether. She completely lost herself in grief and she mourned for years."

Kara turns to Alex, her eyes once again swimming with tears. "I-I have to go to her. Now. I have to see her and apologize. I-"

"I know. I know," Alex explains patiently and Kara wants to weep at the gentle tone. Once upon a time, Alex was impulsive, quick to action, but now she seemed calm; a trait only learned through years of leadership and tough decisions. "I just wish you didn't. Not yet at least. There's something I have to tell you."

"I wish I could've been here," Kara murmurs interrupting Alex. "I wish... I wish I could've helped you plan every second of your wedding. I wish I would've protected Lena--all of you--from this."

Alex pulls Kara back to her side. "I wished for the same thing. But instead poor Lena had two bridezillas on her hands." She laughs and Kara can't help but smile in return. Then Alex's joy fades and her eyes settle heavily on Kara's. "After you went missing, Lena had a hard time resolving you were actually gone, too. It's why she purchased your building to ensure your place wouldn't be given to someone else--that you'd know you would always have a home, though I don't think she ever went by." Her gaze travels outside the bay window to the front lawn. "She made sure I kept a key to stop by whenever I needed to, uh, talk to you in a way, I guess. Anyway, after we all got over the rough patch, it took her a little longer to bounce back. It wasn't until she gave our wedding toast that I saw her truly smile since your disappearance. Then, slowly, she got better. And now, well, she's engaged."

Kara remains still and wonders if time is doing the same. In truth, she knows it hadn't because if time could stand still, it would've done so the night she left. She would've come back to Lena's balcony with pizza. They would've talked and entered into something new. And Lena would've never gone through years of sadness and she wouldn't be...

"Engaged?" Kara chokes out. Her bottom lip quivers, and while she doesn't fancy crying again, this time seems inevitable. "To whom?"

"Marian Edge," Alex says as her thumb strokes Kara's hand. "Apparently, everyone in Morgan Edge's family isn't an asshole. Marian's his older sister. Instead of being anything like her brother and the rest of her family, she took off after graduating medical school to devote her life to Doctors Without Borders." Alex gives her a sincere smile. "You'll like her, sis."

And these words meant to sooth Kara only serve to wound her. Yet, instead of voicing it, Kara simply nods and gives Alex a tremulous smile. "She sounds nice."

"She is."

"When is the--"

"About a month away."

"Oh, okay." Kara settles back into the couch, allowing the painful news to sink in.

"Listen, Kar, I know Lena told you she had feelings-"

"Alex, please don't," she all but pleads. Kara's heart literally breaks and she wonders if she could find some alien booze around given it's Sam's house, too.

"I'll just... I'll go get the vbule. You look like you can use it," Alex affirms as if reading her younger sister's mind. "Sam keeps a bottle locked away in the kitchen."

The doorbell chimes as Alex heads for the kitchen. Kara faintly hears the exchange at the door before Sam enters carrying several bags of Chinese food.

"Someone call for a delivery? I mean the food and not the baby." Sam announces by way of greeting. Kara stands, and although she's still reeling from the news of Lena's engagement, she enjoys the embrace from her friend, turned sister-in-law once the food is set down. "We've missed you, Kara. Welcome home."

"I guess it's a little late to give you the shovel talk, huh?" Kara laughs and playfully nudges Sam's shoulder as she steps back. Alex returns with the promised vbule and kisses Sam on the cheek. The look of pure joy on their faces fills Kara with a temporary contentment, but contentment nonetheless.

"Never," Sam admits sincerely. "I'm all for the ass-kicking talks, but to be clear, Eliza was plenty thorough."

"Then I'm sure Eliza's will suffice for a lifetime," Kara says. She sits back down, suddenly feeling out of place.

Sam takes the vbule bottle from Alex and passes it to Kara. "If you need a drinking buddy tonight, I'd be honored." She receives a slight nod as an answer. 

The meal goes by in relative silence, as well as most of the night, punctuated by Kara getting an emotional call from Eliza, in which her foster mom promises to visit towards the end of the week. Then, it was Lucy and James calling to insist upon Kara coming to meet her honorary goddaughter.

Clark stops by within the first hour, intent to see Kara for himself and to embrace her for at least five minutes. He leaves her with an open invitation to come stay in Metropolis anytime.

And the whole evening, through every heartbreaking anecdote or fantastic story, Alex holds her hand while Sam makes good on her promise, drinking with Kara well into the night.

And the topic of Lena remained the elephant in the room, the couple rightly allowing Kara to avoid it.

Once her family retires to bed, unwittingly leaving their returned family member with persistent regret and flailing thoughts, Kara slips from the house and into the sky. The potent beverage continues to numb her senses and she forces herself higher, and faster, until she's outside of Earth's orbit. She stares into the twinkling, quiet abyss. Her mind flashes with memories of her journey from Krypton and her time in the Phantom Zone.

And when she floats back down to Earth, she feels more alone than when she faced the vastness of space, or the desert timescape where she slumbered for years.

Thus, she isn't particularly surprised to find herself landing on the balcony of one Lena Luthor.

 

OO

**_Earlier today..._ **

 

 _Thirty-two days._  It's her first thought when she awakes, even before her eyes clear of sleep.

Lena stretches back against the luxurious pillows of her king-size bed and enjoys the stillness of the dawn. Marian had risen a few hours earlier to start her shift at the free clinic and the lingering aroma of her espresso still hangs in the air. While waking up in her fiancé’s arms made her feel cared for, Lena finds herself more comforted by the familiar touch of a lonely bed.

It made her feel secure in the fact that she wouldn't have to watch someone leave. Not again, anyway.

 _Thirty-two days_.

Eventually, Lena succumbs to her morning routine. After her own double espresso, she completes her thirty minutes on the treadmill, followed by a shower, skin-care regimen, and eats a fruit salad for breakfast.

_Thirty-two days._

Upon arriving at L-Corp, she easily finds her hectic rhythm. Her morning meeting with new Danish investors concludes ahead of time, and Jess, now the company's acting COO, places an executive memorandum on Lena's desk along with another espresso before leaving. Old habits, Lena assumes.

_Marian: Hey Beautiful. You free for lunch today?_

Lena smiles down at the text displayed on her screen, and a voice in the back of her mind utters, _"Thirty-two days."_

_Lena: Hey yourself. Sam and I have plans to take an early lunch in order to discuss some wedding details. Make it up to you tomorrow?  
_

_Marian: We have our whole lives for you to make it up to me ;)_

"Thirty-two days." Lena startles by the words seeming to take life from her internal mantra. She relaxes once she sees Sam walking in with two takeout bags. She sends Marian a quick sign off equating to _Love ya_ before moving to join Sam on the couch. "Thirty-two days and you're a married woman. You freaking out yet?"

"Yes, but no more than you were," Lena answers with a challenging eyebrow. "I seem to recall someone showing up at my apartment completely wasted at three in the morning, two days before their nuptial, and on the verge of a complete breakdown."

"Touche," Sam relents, sliding the first of five subs from her bag. "But be nice to me or I won't tell you about my awesome wedding gift."

Lena crosses her legs beneath her red knee-length dress and gestures for Sam to continue.  "Have you decided to do an interpretive dance?"

"Ha-ha." Sam rolls her eyes dramatically. "No. I booked your wedding band. The remaining Cranberries will be singing for the ceremony and they've agreed to do a set for the reception, without the late great Dorothy O'Riordan of-"

Lena squeals as she leaps to throw her arms around Sam's neck. "Holy shit! What? I mean... what?!"

Sam hugs her back and launches into her harrowing tale of chasing down Lena's favorite band hailing from Ireland who found huge commercial success in the US during the nineties.

"I have to tell Marian! I mean she's going to be a little put off we're not getting her favorite band-"

Sam groans. "God, I hate Maroon 5. I love Mare and all, but for Christ's sake-"

Lena's already up and heading for the balcony to call her fiancé. Sam settles back into the futon with a smile on her face, reveling in her success of making Lena's wedding perfect. Her best friend deserved that and more. She's taking a content bite of her sandwich when she hears it.

Sirens.

But not just sirens.

Her eyes widen at the familiar voice echoing in the distance. It couldn't be.

Sam zips to turn on the eighty-inch display installed on the far wall of Lena's office. The news appears and the segment title reads: _Supergirl Lives_.

The tiny remote clatters to the floor and Sam stares into Kara's confused face on the screen. She doesn't even register Lena returning.

Lean launches back into ecstatic bride mode. "As expected, she's quite jealous, but also says she owes you for making me this happy." Lena's gives Sam an incredulous look. Her friend and colleague wouldn't waste an opportunity to boast, yet she hadn't even acknowledged Lena's presence. She remains transfixed by the screen Lena hadn't yet noticed.

Then, Lena notices.

She stumbles forward, her hand coming to rest on her abdomen to steady herself. Her chest tightens at the bright blue gaze and perfect blond hair gracing the screen.

It's Kara and she's breathtaking.

A sob retches from her throat and her heart thuds in her ears. Years and years of waiting--no, dreaming--about the goddess that had once been her best friend hadn't prepared her for seeing Kara again. The room spins and she can't quite catch her breath. Her legs finally surrender under one final thought:

_Thirty-two fucking days._

 

OO

 

She wakes up in her bed and ponders if it was all a dream. Sam enters with a glass of water and Lena finds the answer in her soft gaze.

Kara's alive. Kara's back.

"How long have I been out?" Lena asks. She stands from the bed and takes the glass being offered to her.

"A little under two hours," Sam explains. She follows Lena to the living room where the news still steams updates on Supergirl's return. "I just got off the phone with Alex. Kara's at our-"

"So it's her then?"

Sam nods, moving to put a comforting hand on Lena's shoulders. "Yeah, but Alex will conduct a full examination tomorrow to ensure she checks out. Apparently, Kara lost time. She thought she'd been gone a day. And she... she has no memory of where she was all these years."

Lena doesn't know what to do with any of this information. She wants to cry with joy at Kara being back, she wants to weep for Kara missing so many important moments, and she wants to scream because it's all so unfair. "Is she... is she okay?"

"Physically, we assume so, but Alex says she's hurting emotionally." Sam sighs and rubs her hands through her hair.  She levels a concerned gaze at Lena. "How about you?"

Lena slowly trails to the couch, her eyes remaining on Supergirl's face plastered on every news station. "I... I don't know."

Sam nods knowingly and settles on the couch beside her best friend. "I've been ordered to pick up a literal truck load of Chinese food and head home. I think... maybe I should call Marian to-"

"No," Lena interjects. "I can't... I need to see Kara."

"Lena," Sam tries, "I know you want to be there for her, but after learning of your bond with Kara, it might do more harm than good."

"I don't care! Kara needs-I need..." She falls into tears and Sam wraps her arms around her. "I need to see her for myself."

"We'll figure this out. All of us... as a family," Sam promises. "And being an expert on Kryptonian bonds, Kara will find you. I only hope you're both ready when she does." She stands, giving Lena's hand a final squeeze. "I'll call to check in soon."

Once she's alone, Lena doesn't move for some time. Her mind races non-stop and she snaps out of it only when she receives another text from Marian. And Lena can't even muster the strength to see her future wife. Instead she tells Marian she needs a night alone, followed by some bullshit reason of needing to work on a top secret project, and after finally reassuring her fiancé that everything was fine, Lena cracks open her best bottle of scotch.

And she drinks with a purpose, quickly drowning out thoughts of blues eyes hiding behind dark framed glasses. The night passes slow, only made slower by each sip, and at nearly midnight she finds herself drawn to the stars. A gentle breeze runs smoothly over her pale skin in the moonlight and she shudders. It's a sensation she'd only known when Supergirl arrived back when...

She turns her head to find a familiar gaze nearly burning through her.

"Kara," Lena whispers breathlessly.

 


	3. In Restropect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I don't love this chapter, but the next one will be better!

When she was younger, Lena prayed all the time. Cancer had taken residence in her mother's brain and Lena had truly believed that God could remove the terrible affliction. Then, her mother died as Lena watched by her bedside, and with the heartbreaking naivety young girls often burdened, Lena believed it to be her fault.

She cursed herself for not having prayed loud enough and heaven was simply too far away to hear her merciful cries. She spent hours on the concrete floor of the orphanage at night, sometimes until her four-year-old knees ached and screamed, praying yet again for God to bring her mother back--to bring back her only family.

Her prayers were answered in the form of the Luthors, and even though what followed was years of emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse at the hands of Lillian and a casual disregard from Lionel, she found Lex.

He was her ally and confidante at a time she'd felt most alone, and for a time Lena considered him the answer to her prayers. But didn't last long, good things never did. Lex eventually surrendered to his cruel heart and sadistic agenda, and in the aftermath of his legacy, Lena didn't pray once. At seventeen-years-old, she'd simply accepted that there was no God.

And if there was, they possessed one fucked up sense of humor.

Nearly a decade had passed before Lena prayed again, right after Kara's disappearance. As a woman of science, she knew it wasn't logical, yet she'd felt utterly hopeless to the whims of a spiteful god. Having learned of other deities outside of the Irish Catholic savior of her youth, it was Rao--the Kryptonian God of Light--she prayed to for Kara's safe return.

Now as she drowns in the crystal blue eyes staring back at her, Lena wonders if she's found a god whom answers prayers, albeit slowly.

Lena takes a hesitant step forward, swaying from the scotch rushing through her veins. Then, another step, another, and another until Kara's in arms reach. And it's Kara who closes the remaining distance, simultaneously pulling Lena into her chest and releasing a tremulous breath.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs against the crown of Lena's head.

Lena shivers at the warm breath tickling against her skin and wraps her arms around Kara's waist tighter. She buries her nose, and inhales the scent of sunshine and plums the other woman seems to embody, then sobs. She shakes with violent, yet silent cries and Kara responds by holding her closer.

"I'm here. I'm here. I'm here," Kara chants into Lena's hair. She nuzzles into the soft dark strands and her fingers twist into Lena's silk top, refusing to let go unless Lena asked.

And Lena never asks. They stand wrapped in each other's arms and let their tears continue the conversation they’re both too exhausted to have. Eventually it's Lena who pulls back, though just enough to gaze into Kara's eyes.

Kara swallows, too exposed under knowing green pools and not trusting herself to voice selfish thoughts. She squeezes Lena's shoulders instead and finally puts more space between them, but keeps both Lena's hands clasped in her own.

"Come in," Lena says, already pulling the dazed Kryptonian into her apartment. She leads them to the couch and switches off the television. She takes time to access Kara once they're sitting, noticing immediately how utterly lost she seemed. "Can I get you anything?"

Kara shakes her head because what she wants, she certainly can't have. "No, but thank you." She takes in the fish tail braid over Lena's shoulder and runs her hand down its length. "I've never seen your hair like this."

Lena touches the braid self-consciously. "Yes, I've been meaning to cut-"

"No," Kara hurries to assure her. "No, it's beautiful. I like it."

Lena blushes. "Thanks."

Silence stretches between them, neither knowing exactly what to say in such emotional and drunken states. Kara finally breaks the impossible tension. "Lena, I'm so sor—"

"I know," Lena voices hoarsely with a sad smile. "We have a lot to talk about, but I don't think... we should start right now. Not when I've had far too much drink and you smell guilty of the same."

"Hey," Kara protests weakly. "I feel fine."

"Right. And that's why you flew here in your civilian clothes."

"Just don't tell Alex." Kara smiles, lifting her shoulder in a sheepish shrug. “I’m sorry for not officially telling you about Supergirl. That night… I was coming back to explain everything. A-And I’m sorry about dropping in so late. I just needed to see you and… and…” She berates herself for rambling and stands from the couch. "I guess I should head back.”

"Please don’t go.” Lena pleads, not at all embarrassed by the desperation in her voice. "You can stay here.”

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Kara. I want you here. There's... There's the guest room of which you are familiar. It can be like old times." _Lies_ she thinks to herself. "I would never want you to be uncomfortable. If you prefer not to stay the night, could you just... sit with me a little while?"

Kara nods, sitting back down and sliding closer to put an arm around Lena. They recline against the plush leather couch. "For a little while," Kara says sleepily. Simply basking in each other's warmth settles the yearning deep within her, yet she knows it's only temporary.

"Thank you," Lena whispers drifting off.

 

OO

 

Kara awakens hours later to soft puffs of air caressing her neck. They'd both succumb to their inebriation induced exhaustion and maneuvered into fully lying down. Kara rested on her back while Lena's slight weight rested partly on top of her, though what proves to be the biggest concern is Lena's hand finding its way beneath her shirt.

Then, Kara feels it. The tightening below her navel, severe and hot, leading to a bulge beneath her khaki slacks. She inhales sharply and the smell of Lena's orange-hibiscus infused conditioner only worsens her predicament. She shifts slightly, not wanting to startle Lena from slumber, but it backfires, causing the tired CEO's hand to slide lower. Kara bites her bottom lip, stifling the desperate groan elicited by the unplanned stimulation.

"L-Lena," Kara practically whimpers. "Lena, y-you have to wake up."

" _Fiveminuteslonger_ ," Lena slurs, yet lifts her head to peer up at Kara. It takes a few seconds for her to recognize the sheer mortification on Kara's face, and the not-so-slight prominence firmly pushing against her own wrist. And, oh. _Oh!_ Her cheeks burn crimson as she disentangles herself with a mumbled apology.

Once Lena moves away, Kara bolts upright, grabbing a pillow and placing it over her lap. "Rao, I-I'm so sorry. This is so freaking embarrassing,” she says on the verge of tears.

Lena gives the flustered alien a soft smile, standing from the couch and feigning nonchalance when in fact she felt as if her hold body had become a spark plug. She'd been dreaming about Kara and waking up to the literal woman of her dreams was a bit overwhelming. "It's quite alright, Kara. You don't have to be embarrassed in front of me. I've studied Kryptonian biology, remember?" Kara nods, but Lena can still sense her discomfort. "How about I go make us some coffee and then we can talk?"

"Thanks, Lena." Kara releases a sigh once Lena's in the kitchen and rushes to the bathroom. She sits on the bench in front of the vanity and presses her palms to her eyelids.

She'd hoped the awkwardness of Lena seeing her erection would make the blasted thing go away, but no such luck. It's a particularly stubborn one. _Old men farts, dirty diapers, starving puppies._ None of the terrible imagery works in curbing her persistent arousal. Not when she discerns the tell-tale signs of Lena's own arousal in the air. It clings to the roof of her mouth and the tip of her tongue, making Kara salivate with need.

She really hated her Kryptonian heritage sometimes.

The doorbell breaks her traitorous thoughts, and efficiently lessens her morning glory. She splashes her face with cold water and hears the moment Lena answers the door.

Kara stops drying her face when she hears an unknown woman. _"Baby, I've been so worried about you_..."

And just like that, morning wood didn't seem so bad.

 

OO

 

Lena stills, gaping at the woman at her door. Her fiancé.

Marian barrels in carrying a paper bag of pastries and pecks Lena on the lips. "Baby, I've been so worried about you. I'd imagined the worst when you didn't answer my call or texts this morning," Marian says heading towards the kitchen. She turns around to find a hesitant Lena staring at her. "Lena, what's wrong? Did something happen at the lab?"

She shifts guiltily under Marian's concern. "I... I uh... had a long night at the office. Then, I ran into an old friend, well I didn't run into her, she—"

"Good morning! You must be Marian," Kara announces upon arriving in the kitchen, giving the couple a smile that bordered on a grimace. She extends a hand to Marian who takes it with a questionable brow. "I've heard so much about you."

She didn't have time to consider what Lena's fiancé might look like, but she hadn't expected the supermodel standing in front of her. Marian surpassed Lena in height by an inch or two and possessed shoulder length dirty blonde hair that fell into the bedhead category celebrities that aimed for. She doubted the selfless doctor with the body of a career swimmer even bothered to style it which of course made it all the worse.

Realization dawns on Marian's face as she shakes Kara's hand enthusiastically. "Oh, my God! You're Kara! I can't believe I'm meeting you," Marian gushes. "I knew you looked familiar. I've seen photos at Alex and Sam's place. And Eliza's clinic of course. That's where I work." She turns to Lena in mock disappointment. "Babe, you didn't tell me she was in town." She faces Kara again. "It must be strange being home after all this time, huh?"

"You have no idea," Kara breathes out, raising an imperceptibly distressed eyebrow at the woman standing behind Marian. She couldn't fathom her family or friends, especially Lena, telling a stranger about Supergirl.

"Don't bother, Mare." Lena offers smoothly after giving Kara a reassuring nod. "Since Kara was investigating a high-profile story for the government, she can't go around offering us secrets.”

Kara nervously imitates zipping her lips before fiddling with her hands and smiling to the point of straining her cheeks.

Maria bobs her head in understanding. "Well, let me just say I think it's incredibly noble of you to have spent all these years doing ground coverage in Syria. I've only been once, and very briefly I may add. I could barely stomach the bloodshed."

Kara had listened to Alex explain how the DEO fed Catco a concocted story regarding Kara's disappearance as being recruited by the government in regards to Syria indefinitely. How J'onn made a few appearances as Supergirl around the city for nearly a year, thwarting any suspicion of Kara Danvers and Supergirl being one and the same.

"You're one to talk about selfless. I've heard about your work with Doctors Without Borders," Kara replies sincerely. "Eliza's lucky to have someone of your merit in the clinic."

"Oh, stop it." Marina throws a casual wave. "Some of us are slaves to our need to atone." She touches Lena's arm and…

Kara's breath catches in her throat. Her fists clench at her sides, and she struggles to suppress the growl rising from her depths.

Both the Luthors and Edges were infamous for supporting anti-alien agendas and executing shady business dealings. Kara knew the two women commiserated in a way she could never understand, atoning for sins that weren't their own and always being seen as evil incarnates.

However, she did carry around the ghost of Krypton. Her family helped doom their entire planet, but that was entirely different.

"So, how are we celebrating the return of the youngest Danvers?" Marian asks, then winks at Kara.

"Uh-I-I don't think we're doing anything. I'm just, you know, hanging. I mean I d-don't want to make a big deal..." She stops, then casually shrugs. "It's seriously not a big deal—"

Lena steps forward and places a hand on the fidgeting alien's shoulder. "Yes, it is a big deal." Kara feels Lena's hand burning through the fabric of her top. She pulls Kara into a hug and frowns when her best friend remains rigid.

Kara pats her on the back twice and steps back, looking everywhere except at the pair of intense green eyes studying her. If Marian felt the tension between the two friends, she didn't acknowledge it, and instead offers Kara a soft gaze. "As Lena's best friend, and the family of the people I've come to adore, not celebrating your return home simply won't do."

She needs to escape. Surrounded by Lena's intoxicating presence, and experiencing Marian's eager kindness, Kara wants to die. She settles for a curt nod. "Maybe we can all have dinner sometime this week?"

"Awesome." Marian pumps her fist and even Kara finds the small action endearing.

"Well, sorry for interrupting your morning. It was good catching up, Lee.” The Kryptonian continues to avoid Lena's knowing gaze as she heads towards the front door. “I'll talk to you both soon!" She rushes out the door at a perfectly human speed and chokes back a sob as she zips away from the building.

 

OO

 

She lands outside of the house moments later and slowly trails up the steps. Alex practically yanks her into the house and throws her arms around her as soon as she's through the door. For a moment, Kara distractedly wonders if it’s her imagination or did Alex gain superpowers.

"Where were you? I thought… Fuck, Kara!" Alex swears pulling away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you guys. I couldn't sleep and went flying to clear my head," Kara explains just as Sam rounds the corner carrying two cups of tea. She passes one to Kara. "Thanks."

"No problem," Sam says and then gives Alex a smug look. "You owe me twenty bucks."

Alex scoffs. "No way. Kara said she went flying, not—"

"Um-I-uh... Okay, I may have also gone to see Lena," Kara admits guiltily. She slips past the soon to be parents and into the den. She hears Sam chuckle and Alex scrambles to follow her.

"You did?" Alex asks, taking a seat beside Kara on the couch.

"Yeah," Kara says in a breath. "We-uh-we didn't get to talk last night. We were both fairly drunk, so we passed out on the couch together. She rubs her temples. "Then, I met Marian this morning."

"Whoa," Sam mouths.

Alex pulls her little sister into a side hug. "I can't imagine how difficult that was, Kar."

Kara shrugs. Of course, it was difficult, one of the hardest things she's had to endure, but she felt somewhat relieved to learn Lena did find someone deserving of her love. "It was... hard, but Marian's nice. And they both seem happy."

Sam nods and glances from Alex to Kara. "So, how was it being around Lena?"

Kara brows furrow. "What do you mean? It was hard--"

"No, not the situation," Sam tries to explain. "But did you feel any _physical_ responses—"

Alex abruptly stands and looks pointedly at Sam. "Speaking of physical responses, we need to head to the DEO for some tests. J“onn’s waiting for us and Mom flew in early, so she should be there by the time we arrive."

"Oh, okay." Kara heads to the staircase. "I'll grab a shower and change."

As soon as her sister's out of sight, Alex rounds on Sam with an accusing glare. "What the hell was that? Physical responses?"

Sam smiles smugly. "Honey, the doctor said no stressful reactions. It’s not good for the baby." To Alex's continued glaring, she acquiesces. "Okay, given what we know about mating cycles in Kryptonian society, we have to assume that Kara _presented_ before she disappeared because her mind and body aligned with a specified mate. We also know that this mystery mate is Lena."

Alex sighs, rubbing her belly contemplatively. "But she's in relationship, Sam. Lena's finally happy and Marian's--"

"Marian's one of the best women I know and she deserves true love and all that jazz," Sam says sincerely. "But Lena's my best friend, and though she loves Marian, she'll never feel the same way about her she feels about Kara. Kryptonian bonding isn't something one can fight." She steps closer to Alex and strokes her arm. The effect is immediate and Alex shivers under the touch. "Do you remember when I presented and we weren't dating yet?"

Alex gulps. Boy, did she remember. Sam seemed to be drawn to her like a compass needle pointing due North, always hovering and itching to touch. When they hung out as friends, she found her own body quick to respond to this nameless pull, subconsciously surrendering to the Kryptonian's alpha status. "Yeah, it was impossible to resist." Thinking back on it, she can still feel the way her blood pumped at the mere sight of her once friend. How the arousal seemed to pool constantly until finally, finally Sam filled her. "Shit. This is really, really bad."

Sam shakes her head. "It's definitely not good. Lena knows about Kara's alpha status, but she has no idea she's the impetus for it. We'll have to tell them. At the very least, it gives them a heads up. It might be a good to plan to tell Kara while she's getting her tests done today. And I’ll talk to Lena at the office."

"We really don't have a choice, do we?" Alex sags into the couch. "No matter what happens, someone's going to get hurt."

 

OO

 

Eliza Danvers flips the blue switch on the far wall. The red-light overhead dims off, then the bulb beings emanating a white glow. Kara sighs as the artificial sunlight soaks into her skin beneath the clinical gown, restoring her powers once more.

The tests had been completely routine, and besides Eliza's bouts of tears on and off during the physical, Kara passed them all with flying colors. She smiled as Eliza talked about the medical progress made in the new clinic, and she cried as Eliza spoke of losing Kara and how it reminded her Jeremiah's kidnapping. In the end, the eldest Danvers was too overjoyed to have her youngest daughter home, failing to notice the despair in Kara's eyes, or how her breath stilled when Marian's name was mentioned.

"Would you like to come home? At least for a few days." Eliza asks, her voice hopeful.

Being away from National City, away from Lena, didn't seem like the worst idea. Maybe she could even raincheck the 'welcome home' dinner party Marian (and later Sam) had suggested. "Actually, that sounds nice, Eliza. Everything's changed so much and I... Maybe spending some peace and quiet at home is exactly what I need."

"Then it's settled. I'll take a week or so off. Marian is more than capable to lead the research team in my absence."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Well, since Alex specifically asked to handle the sexual reproductive portion of the exam, thus saving me from overwhelming embarrassment--"

Kara bobs her head. "Saving us both from embarrassment."

The elder blonde chuckles. "Right. I'll send her in." She embraces Kara tightly and kisses her on the forehead. "I've missed you so much, Sunshine."

Eliza leaves the room and moments later Alex appears holding a caramel peppermint cappuccino with extra whipped cream. She smirks as Kara's eyes widen with anticipation.

Alex quirks a brow. "Should I be offended you seem happier to see the cappuccino than you were in seeing us after five years?"

Kara smoothly takes the overly sugary drink from her sister and sips. "To be fair, I remembered seeing you guys a few days ago. It's been months since I had one of these." She pouts and Alex has to contain her smile at the whip cream mustache on her lips. "Stupid seasonal drinks. Don't restaurants know they should offer something this delicious all the time?"

"Seasonal things offer a bit of mystique. And of course, the standard consumer hears limited time and they think ‘special’," the pregnant director explains.

"Don't lecture me on your economic gobbity gook, Director Arias-Danvers."

Alex laughs and takes a seat on the chair across from the sunbed her sister sits upon. "Alright, all jokes aside, how are you after talking with Mom."

"Better," Kara answers honestly. "I feel more at ease with it all, I guess. I think I'll head to Midvale with Eliza for a few days to... I don't know... Get centered?" She exhales.

"I think that's a good idea and I wouldn't mind sticking my feet in the sand at the family house. Mind if I join?"

She did actually, but considering Alex just wants to be around her after a five-year absence, Kara allows it. "Sure."

"S'mores on the beach is definitely happening," Alex insists. "So, let's talk about your changing body."

" _Alex_ …" Kara whines.

"Hey, I'm just stating facts." She shrugs. "When's the last time you had sex?"

The blonde groans. "Do you really need to know this?"

"Unfortunately for me, yes. Yes, I do."

"Fine," Kara grumbles. "Mon-El. Before he left--"

"He had a wife,Kara!" Alex accuses. 

"Not the second time he left! I would never do that to Imra! I meant the first time, obviously."

Alex sags with relief. "Oh, right. So, uh, that's what like a year ago, sans your five missing years."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, you haven't used your um... You haven't used your new genitalia."

"I think I'd rather Eliza take over," Kara admits, looking at the ground.

"No, you really, really don't."

"Fair enough," Kara concedes with a sigh. "I haven't used..." She gestures down to her crotch. "It yet. I mean I only had it a week before I left, and even then, I wasn't seeing anyone. Just having weird dreams about uh... Never mind."

Alex shifts uncomfortably. The situation was direr than she and Sam initially thought. If Kara never had intercourse with her new equipment, her first Kryptonian rut would damn near kill her. Sam had admitted to taking women home from bars before she and Alex started dating to curve such cravings. And though Alex tried not to let the news upset her (after all, she was also sleeping with other women during that time), she couldn't help bringing it up every now and then to guilt her wife.

Samantha simply took too long to ask her out in the first place.

In a nutshell, poor Kara wouldn't know what hit her. "Kar, I know this is awkward, but we need all the information we can to get a full picture of what could have caused your disappearance. I know you've spoken to Clark about this when it started happening, but I'd rather hear it from you. After being with Sam, I think I have a firm grasp on the subject.”

"Okay," Kara concedes. "How does that work by the way? I mean you're a lesbian and Sam has a—"

"Yes, Sam does have a penis, but Sam is also a woman. Her parts don't define her sex. Gender and sexuality both lie on a very broad spectrum, sis. You really have to brush up on this stuff," Alex explains. "But you're also deflecting. Tell me about the dreams you mentioned."

"You're right." Kara clears her throat and looks abashed. "Well, before I left, I uh... grew a penis and started dreaming about having sex with Lena." It all comes out in a rush and Kara chugs her cappuccino as if trying to swallow the words again.

"Alright," Alex replies. Sam confirmed similar occurrences a few days before her first rut. And the director herself can attest to having certain dreams no doubt triggered by her future wife. Surely, she thinks, Lena was having them as well. "And do you get erections, since you've back I mean? I know it's a stupid question considering you've been back a day—"

"Yes. This morning. I woke up on Lena's couch... I woke up with Lena… And, yep! It was there."

Alex sighs. "Kara-"

"Don't say it. I know it’s bad, but nothing happened. Lena was… so Lena about it all. She made me feel like it was okay and gosh, Alex. I could... I could…” Her lowers her voice to a whisper. "I smelled her."

"Smelled her?"

"She was aroused," Kara groans. "My mouth literally watered and I felt... I felt like an animal." Tears form in the corners of her eyes. "I wanted her so bad it was painful."

Alex moves to sit next to her sister and takes her hand. "It's okay, Kar. That's completely normal in Kryptonian mating. I don't know how much Kal explained, but trust me, okay?" To her sister's nod, Alex continues. "There's something I should tell you. It's the reason I wanted to carry out this questionnaire of sorts."

"And here I thought you wanted to mortify me."

"Well, that too." Alex grins. "The other reason regards your relationship with Lena."

"Alex, I told you. I would never come between her and Marian."

"No, it's not that. You see, when you presented, or started to show your preferred genitalia for your desired mate, it essentially meant, well, you wanted to mate with Lena."

"Huh?"

"Um, okay." Alex exhales. She almost wishes to be able to switch places with Sam. "Basically, when your body and mind aligned with Lena's body and mind, meaning you fell in love and lust with each other, your Kryptonian genome jump started your mating cycle. It's why you grew a penis. It's why you dreamed about Lena and why you can't stop thinking about her. It's why you're possessive over her, because to your inner Kryptonian, Lena's already yours to claim."

Kara stares at her sister, owlishly blinking at the inconceivable words. "Huh?"

Alex nods. "It's... a lot to take in, but it's all true. My guess, Lena was dreaming about you back then, too. It explains why she almost died due to grief when you left. Her soulmate was basically ripped from her." She watches the tears stream down Kara's face. "And I think that since you're back, it's going to start up again."

Kara jerks her head up. "What? She's getting married, Alex. I-I can't. I won't."

"It won't be in your control.” The dark-haired woman shakes her head. “We have some pheromone suppressants you can try, but Sam said they didn't really help her. And seeing how you're even more Kryptonian than my wife is, we doubt their efficacy on you."

The blonde superhero leaps up and begins pacing. "No, no way. I won't take Lena's happiness away again. I'll go to the fortress, if I have to. I-I I'll go into space, dammit! Can I still get to Argo?"

"Kara, you could fly to Mars, but your body will still start its rut. The best thing you can do to somewhat stave off these effects is to... ya know." Alex points to Kara's crotch. "Go and take it for a test spin."

_"Alex!"_

"Hey, I'm just telling you what Sam told me."

Kara shakes her head defiantly. "There has to be another way."

Alex stands up to rub her belly. "Well, if there is, I think you have less than three days to figure it out. After that, you will do anything to find and claim Lena. That's if she doesn't find you first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dial gets turned up next time. Buckle up, kiddos.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for the Supercorp fandom and it should be a fun/angsty ride.
> 
> Please (pretty please with sugar on top) support my best friend's new novel by pre-ordering a copy on Publishizer. I beta'd Who's Sarah Murdoch, and I promise you won't regret the pre-order! Let's get more diverse stories told.
> 
> https://publishizer.com/whos-sarah-murdoch/


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